I Miss A Guy Who Didn't Fall In Love With Me...and the Sex
- Inga Cooper
- Feb 22, 2018
- 3 min read
Try to look at it like this. You felt close to and loved someone who did not reciprocate the same level of feelings and emotions towards you. Your feelings were not equally matched with that of your former partner. It doesn’t matter who broke things off at this point. Steps were taken to end the bond — you guys broke up.
It is normal that you miss him, his company, friendship, support and even physical & intimate interaction(s). However, it is important and imperative to be able to relate to your partner on all levels - body, mind and soul. It seems to me that you two were almost there (you connected on a body and mind level, but possibly not soul level).
Now, think about how different your question could have been if you tried to work it out, or if you pressured or manipulated your former partner into continuing on shaky ground.
What-if you continued, great sex, but no connection. You had a feeling of emotional or spiritual distance, and you felt like the relationship lacked depth and trust? Passion and sexual attraction are cornerstones to a successful, long term, committed relationship. But if that is all there is, it is not enough.
What-if you continued, the sex got less interesting, but other life events and circumstances overtook you two? Meaning, you legally sealed the bond through marriage or perhaps had children. Now what? You might be looking at separation and divorce, with a host of challenges and life altering consequences and choices. Worse, now potentially other people (your child/ren) would be involved.
What-if your former partner started to build a bond with someone else he thought he could or did love…or if he fell in love with someone else while he was still actively engaged in a relationship with you? You more than likely would feel a whole hell of a lot worse than you do now in terms of pain, hurt, disappointment and longing. — “Why didn’t you just tell me that you didn’t really love me…I would have accepted that over this.”
You can run these scenarios for yourself, but one of the worse situations to find yourself in during life, is to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. It hurts now, but it would’ve hurt even worse later if the relationship would have continued. Many continue relationships far past the point of their expiration date.
People hope for the best, especially when they feel they are in love. People in love hope things will change, hope feelings will be reciprocated, hope power struggles will end — and in some cases — hope the abuser will stop so they can stay. Your situation is far less critical since you have taken steps to move on, and your are dealing with it head on.
You miss him. It hurts…for now. But in time, and I am sure you have heard this before, the intensity of the pain and loss will fade. In the meantime, stay grounded.
As mentioned, relationships are multidimensional and require characteristics and personality traits of each person to be beyond 1 or 2 dimensions.
Chatting, conversation and sex are good starts, but you would have required more than this to take it to the next level of commitment — you could even say love.
Oh yeah — please don’t go out and look for a quick fix for this. Take a few weeks or months (depending on how long you two were together) to get some clarity about yourself — what you want in a partner besides physical talents in bed and an engaging communicator. Also, try to have a clearer picture of the intentions of the people you are getting involved with.
It sounds like the guy — you called him that — could have had completely different objectives in terms of how committed and serious he planned to be in your relationship. Did you also?
You can catch me throwing cards at Rising Vibrations.
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