How Do I Recover From A Cheater?
- Inga Cooper
- Feb 19, 2018
- 4 min read
Updated: Feb 22, 2018
It is not easy to get over someone cheating on you. You have to think about what actually happens when you are cheated on. I am not going to go into the details as to why the cheating occurred, just what the state of being is in the relationship in most cases. Let’s go:
You - Unaware, you believe things are generally okay, in love, possibly happy, feeling secure, feeling supported, feeling like you have someone you can trust and believe in.
Perpetrator - Not focused on you, probably having a good time and getting a rush from the act, in the act of concealment, in the act of getting to intimately know someone else, feeling like he does not need your support, feeling like he has a suitable replacement (possibly like he has upgraded), probably being told things to pump up his ego, probably being convinced to leave you and go with the other person.
We could go on with this exercise for some time, but let’s skip to looking at what happens when you find out:
You - caught off guard even if you suspected, shocked, angry, disappointed, hurt, feeling worthless, feeling weak, worried, scared and uncertain, feeling confused, feeling abandoned, feeling tricked, feeling stupid (because after all you chose the guy).
Where as the Perpetrator - excited, possibly guilty or hurt (but he has a replacement to seemingly fill in the gaps, or he is excited about being free again to explore his options), he is in a power position because he is not caught off guard, where you feel confused, he feels thoughtful and pensive, he already had time to work his way through the emotions of disconnecting himself from the relationship, he is no longer emotionally invested, where you feel hurt, he more than likely feels happy. He is excited about his future, he is hopeful and fully aware of what is the state of being, at least for himself.
Let’s stop there.
Do you see what has happened here? The scenarios are more or less diametric opposites. You have been caught off guard with the revelation even if you suspected, and now your life has been thrust into a state of change. Events are happening that you cannot control, and I strongly believe depending on how and when this all went down, many who suffer through a cheating event have a residual affect to their mental and emotional state similar to post traumatic stress syndrome.
You have been caught off guard even if you suspected, shocked, angry, disappointed, hurt, feeling worthless, feeling weak, worried, scared and uncertain, feeling confused, feeling abandoned, feeling tricked, feeling stupid (because after all you chose the guy).
How do you get over the breakup?
Do not be known as the girl who was cheated on, in other words, you are not a victim and do not allow yourself to see yourself as a victim.
Educate yourself on building personal resilience. Change has been thrust upon you, and perhaps you do not want to confront the change which is on your doorstep. Life is a state of change, and nothing will ever keep or hold a static state of being.
Learn more about yourself and who you are. What are your core values and beliefs in life? How do they relate to your intimate relationships? What are your boundaries? What is your level of self-esteem and self-awareness?
The act of cheating is always the fault of the other, but you have to take 100% of the blame. When you take 100% of the blame, you make it your responsibility to pick yourself back up again and thrive from the event. When you take 100% of the blame, you take 100% of the power to control your own thoughts and actions. No one is coming to rescue you, only you can save you.
Educate yourself on emotional intelligence and also the stages of grief when you lose a person you love through death or departure from your life. With this knowledge, it will help you to understand what you are feeling and why you are experiencing certain thoughts and emotions.
Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members. If no one is there, this is a sign and signal you need to be more active and engaging in your community.
Be and feel blessed that you got out of this relationship sooner rather than later. It was essentially a castle built on sand, and it is better that you discovered this before your life was entrenched with the life of a false person.
Be good to yourself. You cannot love someone else until you love yourself, so this is a time of healing and recovery for you. Take it. Put everything into you right now in terms of fitness, a healthy diet and nurturing your inner child. I think many shy away from this terminology or idea of nurturing the inner child - but try to think of it like this. Do anything you can to make yourself laugh (especially anything that is free). Remember to do something for yourself everyday.
There are several books out there written to help those recovering from betrayal. I took a different approach to writing a book to help those recovering from a cheater called A FIERCE BITCH'S GUIDE
You can check out my youtube channel Rising Vibrations
Peace and love, Inga
Author - A Fierce Bitch's Guide™
© Copyright 2018. Rising Vibrations with Inga
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